Kissing Nature’s Ultimate Litmus Test

Geplaatst op 25-04-2024

Categorie: Lifestyle

“Kissing is nature’s ultimate litmus test. It can tell us if we have long-term compatibility potential with a partner.”

Sheril Kirshenbaum, author of The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us

My Top Romantic Memories include four first kisses. I remember them as if they happened yesterday. Each one changed my life. They share a few characteristics.

First, they were unexpected, the kind of surprise that makes your stomach flip over with that roller coaster feeling. Those kisses felt like someone ringing the doorbell to my vagina!

Second, they were expressive and soft. No hard, darting tongues or smashed lips. Just wet, gentle endless kisses that felt like falling into a warm sea. They were romantic, not sexually aggressive.

Third, they felt like “green lights.” They made me want more – they made me want to start something significant with that particular guy.

Advertisement

Craigslist Personals Akron

Craigslist Personals Greenville

Craigslist Personals Syracuse

Craigslist Personals Indianapolis

First Kiss

My first real kiss was in the 8th grade. My family had just moved into a new LA suburb. Just around the corner lived the cutest guy, whose name was Butch Gibbons. (So 1970!) He was a year older and I was sure he didn’t know I existed, but he gradually started hanging around our yard.

I thought he might like me, but was totally unprepared for that moment when he leaned forward and kissed me while we were laughing about something. I could hear my heart thrumming in my ears. I could barely catch my breath, and I never wanted it to end.

Cheat Kiss

My second really memorable kiss didn’t happen until I was a junior in college. I was 19. I had a boyfriend (a lackluster kisser) – we’d been dating for a couple of years. I didn’t have any idea what falling in love felt like, but I knew it hadn’t happened yet.

I went to a party one October night with some friends. At one point I found the party too hot, too dark, and too crowded, and I slipped out to get some fresh air. I stood under a large oak tree and stared up at the full moon. It was a chilly but beautiful night.

Suddenly, Joel was by my side. We had never met, but I knew who he was. He was handsome and confident, a singer songwriter who I’d seen perform on campus. But I knew he was also in a relationship.

He started talking about the night sky and pointing out various constellations. Suddenly, before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine. Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire.

We discussed how the kiss was unfair to our respective partners. We both agreed to end our relationships, and we were together within a week. I was head over heels for him from that first kiss – it was like a drug.

Coworker Kiss

The third kiss that rocked my world was from a coworker at a going away party for another colleague. I was 21. We had flirted, but were not dating. We were spending time together during the evening though – sexual tension was in the air.

We were sitting in a booth talking quietly when he leaned over and kissed me. As he did so, he released a sip of cold white wine into my mouth. It was incredible – the earth moved. We got serious after that.

Love of My Life Kiss

The fourth and most important kiss of my life took place when I was hanging out with Mr. HUS one afternoon. We were graduate students – I was 25 and he was 27. Though I had a huge crush on him, I believed he didn’t see me as anything more than a friend. We were chatting casually when I said I had better be going. As I stood up to grab my jacket, he leaped to his feet and laid a kiss on me that eclipses all others.

I was shocked by the turn things had taken, but knew then and there was no turning back. I remember loving the taste and smell of him, and when I opened my eyes, his were open too. They were the color of swimming pools, and I knew then that I would take whatever risk was necessary and dive in head first. I remember telling him that I was afraid of risking our friendship, and he looked at me with an expression that said, “Are you crazy? Who cares!”

Of course, I’ve had many memorable kisses with my husband. And many kisses with others that were not memorable. But nothing can replace those first kisses.

It’s in his kiss.

Naturally, there’s a lot of science behind kissing that explains my experiences, though I never understood it at the time.

  1. Kissing is evolutionarily advantageous.

Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher says kissing evolved to fulfill three essential needs: sex drive, romantic love and attachment. Romantic kissing is a part of more than 90% of human cultures, and its role is to help us “find partners, commit to one person and keep couples together long enough to have a child.”

It’s not surprising that prostitution, porn and many casual sexual arrangements avoid kissing.

  1. Kissing makes hormones go crazy.

Kissing boosts levels of neurotransmitters like dopamine (which is involved in craving and desire) and serotonin (which elevates mood and can help spark obsessive thoughts about a partner). It also causes a jump in oxytocin, the so-called “love hormone,” whose release during orgasm triggers attachment between couples.

Men and women swap more than spit when they kiss; they share important biological information as well. This is because our facial area is packed with sebum-producing sebaceous glands that are controlled by sex hormones.

When we kiss, sebum is released from the glands and mixes with our saliva. Swapping sebum, the researchers suggest, may help people assess the health and hormonal conditions of their partner before they commit to sex (a metabolically expensive activity) or long-term involvement. Chemical cues also help people, particularly women, size up potential mates.

  1. Kissing serves as a filter for relationship potential.

Fifty-nine percent of men and 66 percent of women say they have ended a budding relationship because of a bad kiss. It turns out that our sense of smell may be partially responsible as we pick up subconscious clues about the other person’s DNA or reproductive status. Biologist Claus Wedekind found that women are most attracted to the scent of men who have a very different genetic code immune system than their own.

By the way, 54% of women are willing to kiss on the first date. I think the best strategy for guys is to wait until date #2. If she wanted the kiss, she’ll want another shot. If she wasn’t willing, you’ve avoided the “awkward head dodging kiss fail.”

  1. Men and women kiss differently.

Men also use kissing to weed out unsuitable mates — or, more often, to make themselves attractive to desirable ones. Males tend to kiss as a means of gaining sexual favors, or as a means of affecting reconciliation. Females kiss more as a mate-assessment device.

According to Eric Barker, Helen Fisher suggests that men “may use the hormonal input to subconsciously gauge their partner’s fertility and reproductive potential. A man’s preference for extra-wet kisses may have to do with the fact that men are less sensitive than women to chemosenses like taste and smell.”

  1. Kissing frequency reflects relationship quality, but not only in the way you might expect.

Frequent kissing bestows male testosterone on women through saliva, which increases her libido.

Men are more likely to initiate tongue contact, preferring French kissing to closed-mouth pecks. One theory behind that finding is that men have small amounts of testosterone in their saliva. “In saliva exchange — whether that’s over weeks or months or even years — trace amounts of testosterone in male saliva could raise testosterone levels in the female and therefore increase her receptivity and her libido. In long-term relationships, the frequency of kissing is a good barometer of the health and well-being of that particular bond.

In longer, committed relationships, women also continue to use kissing — to evaluate the state of their partnership. They were also far more likely than men to insist on kissing before, during and after sex.

Eric Barker cites William Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, who highlights the most common kissing mistakes:

Here’s a good roundup of some famous kisses in culture:

What are your most memorable kisses? The best? The worst? Have you ever had a guy go from hero to zero because of a kiss? Let’s dish!